LifeStyle Parenting

Communicate with your children  Childcare  Your kids

Communicate with your children and become a better parent

· Parents sometimes want to set special time aside “to talk about serious things”. Even though this is a loving initiative, it often turns out to work pretty bad in reality. Children often open up when you least expect it and you have to be able to give them time and listen to them right there and then.

This does not mean that special “talk about serious things” time is wrong. If you have several children, it may for instance be a good idea to regularly plan special time when you take each child out for some private time with you. You should however ideally try to combine this with some form of activity to make the situation more relaxed.
 It doesn’t have to be anything advanced, a casual stroll along the river or enjoying a desert at the local ice-cream parlour can be a great way for you child to feel that you are available for small talk as well as for serious conversations. You should however be aware that this form of “special time” does not substitute the every day availability expected from a parent. By spending a lot of time with your children every day, you will build a stable ground where communications eventually comes more or less automatically. Integrate even your small children in your everyday life and let them help you with grocery shopping, cooking, doing laundry etcetera.

· Keep in mind that children learn a lot about communication from their parents. Just like they learn words by imitating us, they learn how these words can be used. How do you interact with other adults, including close friends and relatives? If you have a spouse, how do you two communicate with each other? Do you openly share thoughts and feelings or do you tend to keep things bottle up until you explode and say things that you do not mean? Will you children learn that people who love each other can share everything, or will they learn that talking openly about things usually result in a defensive or even hostile reaction from you?

· When someone shares something with you, pay careful attention and do avoid interrupting. This is not only true when communicating with children; it is true for all forms of interaction. It is naturally important to show that you are still listening, and do not hesitate to ask questions if it is something that you do not understand, but constantly interrupting before the person have a chance to finish will not promote good communication. Let your child tell the story in his or her manner, even if you find the story too elaborate and sort of know where it is going.


  · Would you feel comfortable telling your boss at work about you feelings and experiences if you knew that you would be severely punished or that the boss would not take your feelings seriously? You would probably avoid openly sharing this type of information until you found it absolutely necessary, right? Well, the same thing is most likely true for your children too. Children must be able to share their mistakes with you without fearing harsh or even violent punishments. After all, you want your children to come to your when they are in trouble, even if you do not approve of their actions. Punishments should always fit the crimes, and a child that voluntarily opens up and shares a mistake or minor infraction with you should be encouraged to do so in the future as well.